Outside Blowing a Fag
by Jay1892
Summary: What happens when America mistakes some English slang for something completely different? One-shot! Mature for UKUS sexy times ;


"Alfred F. Jones you are absolutely infuriating!" Arthur, the furiously fuming Brit, shouted in outrage at the familiar blonde American who was happily munching down on one of his favorite Mc Donald's hamburgers. The two sat in Arthur's office that sat on one of the higher up floors of

"Jeeze Artie, take a chill pill will ya?" Alfred brushed off the other like he usually did.

"No I will not 'take a' bloody 'chill pill!' I told you not to touch my damn tea cup because you'd break it and what do you do?! Deliberately disobey me, break it, and then try to hide it!" Arthur's usually pale cheeks turned blotchy and red with his growing anger.

"Relax! I'll buy you a new one." He mumbled through the mouth full of beef, bun, ketchup and other various condiments. He was used to this. The blonde Brit usually went on these furious tangents at least once or twice a day. All it was for Alfred was a matter of just waiting it out until Arthur was too tired to continue yelling.

"You can't buy me another one! That tea cup was a Wedgewood antique that was handcrafted and painted and given to me as a gift by my queen for my bloody f-ing birthday!" Alfred just sighed heavily and kicked his feet up on the table.

"I'm sorry Arthur, okay? I'll take you out to the antique district later and let you pick out a new cup. Hell I'll get you a whole new set!" The American grinned broadly in hopes that his offer of lavish gifts would cool Arthur down.

"That is not the point Alfred! The point is you should be more careful with things that aren't yours! Also you should take the fall like a man instead of trying to the evidence on the window sill behind the curtains!" Alfred slipped his hands under his Texas frame glasses and pressed his palms against his sky blue eyes. Okay he could usually deal with the shouting and scolding… to a degree. He was just about to shout and leave the room- something very against his usually carefree and happy manner- when Arthur beat him to the punch. "Christ… I have to go out and blow a fag." He growled unhappily under his breath as he snatched his coat off the back of his chair and stormed out of the room; hastily shoving his arms through the sleeves.

Alfred sighed with relief knowing that Arthur would most likely cool down as he went and… wait what? Did he say 'Blow a fag'? Blow a fag? In American standards that meant… sweet baby Jesus in a basket…. America knew that both their economies hadn't been doing to great lately, but would Arthur really result to, to… to… prostitution. Oh lord, say it isn't so! Alfred's dear sweet Brit had resorted to one of the most foul and dirty things possible for spare money!

Alfred catapulted himself out of his chair- nearly tripping and running face first into a wall in the process- and ran out the door at light speed only hoping that he would get to Arthur before her started… ugh… blowing a fag…. When the large frantic American finally got to the elevator he pushed the little down button once, twice, three times, four, five… just over and over again until its little plastic surface cracked under the pressure. This was taking too long! He took off to the stairs leaping down nearly an entire flight at a time. He tripped once or twice, nearly losing his glasses and snapping them in half along with his ankle as he scrambled like a frantic cat trying to get out of a bath.

You wouldn't believe all the weird and suspicious glances the Brits of the working world gave Alfred as he burst out of the building and into the middle of one of the busiest parts of London. Alfred quickly grabbed the closet person who was just about to enter the building. "You! Where's Arthur Kirkland!?" he asked frantically and probably by the look in eyes and from the look on the man's face Alfred was probably on the brink of insanity.

"S-s-sir K-Kirkland? I uh… I saw him 'round the corner blowing a fag." Oh god he was too late! No it was never too late for a hero! Alfred all but threw the small terrified man aside as he speed around the corner of the building in the direction the man had pointed to. Heart pounding, leg's pumping he kept going until he found that familiar messy crop of golden blonde hair. He was standing back there alright smoking a cigarette with some guy Alfred had never seen before; some guy in a suit. Man he was probably some kind of sleazy business man who was secretly gay and was just dying for Britain's beloved Sir Kirkland to suck on his dick. Rage coursed through Alfred's veins as he stormed up to Arthur and the unknown man.

"Alfred what are you-!" Arthur never got to finish his surprised statement.

"You sick sonofabtich!" He shouted furiously as he decked the unknown man something fierce. Right across the side of his jaw sending the much smaller male into a nearby wall where he then proceeded to slump down to the hard ground with unconsciousness.

"Alfred! What in the bloody fuck did you just do!?" Arthur shrieked as he threw the cigarette to the ground and rushed over to the battered man.

"I'm takin' care of business Arthur!" He replied back as he ran the back of his hand over his forehead that was now beaded with sweat.

"What the hell for!? He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Like hell he didn't Artie! I heard some guy said you were blowin' a fag back here and obviously I had to come knock the guy's lights out!" He felt like a hero. Saving the damsel in distress from the clutches over evil.

"Are you completely mad?!" Arthur shrieked again with blazing green eyes as he stormed over to Alfred like a furious bee. Poor Arthur he didn't see the problem with this… the poor guy was probably desperate.

"Don't give up Artie! If you needed help you just had to tell me!" He announced confidently as he gripped the smaller man's shoulders.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"If money was tight all you had to do was say so! I can lend you money! Any amount you name it, okay!? Just don't resort to something as shitty as this because you're much better than that Artie!" Alfred thought his speech was rather inspiring, but the Brit just looked up at him with a look that was at first one of pure confusion, but soon turned into one of pure rage.

"Are you…? Are you suggesting I was giving this man a blow job?!" He shouted furiously as his pale cheeks burned with a deep crimson hue.

"Duh! What else could 'blowing a fag' possibly mean?"

The blonde Brit let a long, over dramatic and very frustrated sigh pass out his lips. "You fucking git! Do you not know any English slang!?" Alfred merely cocked his head to one side in confusion not knowing anything about the way Arthur's country used the English language. He reached into his pocket pulling out a small carton and shoving it in the American's face. "These are fags you bloody git!" It took a moment for Alfred's eyes to re focus and see that that carton was nothing more than a pack of cigarettes. He cocked one dark blond eye brow in question.

"How can cigarettes be fags?"

"It's an English slang word for cigarettes. When I said I was going out to blow a fag I meant that I was going out to have a sodding smoke! If you actually paid attention to me more you would have known that." The other slightly puffed out his cheeks as he folded his arms tightly across his chest and turned away from America.

America sighed and ran a hand through his dark blonde hair. Well shit now he didn't really feel like a hero. Now he felt like a jerk for hurting Arthur (And punching an innocent guy smack in the face, but mostly for hurting Arthur's feelings.) "Hey Artie… I… I pay attention to you." he protested in his defense.

"Well if you did I don't think we would be in this current situation." He replied coldly as he turned his burning green eyes to the sidewalk below his feet. "I wish you would treat me better…" He mumbled almost inaudibly. Well this was awkward…. Alfred's cheeks puffed out as he released a sigh pass from between his pursed lips. He scratched the back of his neck as he thought of something to say that wouldn't either earn him a punch in the gut or having to put up with the depression of the blonde Brit for the rest of the week. There wasn't really anything he could say… only something he could do….

Hoping that the gods of luck were on his side Alfred strided over and grabbed Arthur's thin wrist and began to drag him farther back into the alley where no passersby could see the duo. "What the bloody fuck do you think you're doing?" Arthur asked angrily.

"Oh nothing. Just going to blow a fag is all." With that little statement the Brit's pale skin turned a furious shade of red as he realized that Alfred meant the term by American standards.

"B-b-but we can't! W-what about him? We can't just leave him there!" He stuttered nervously as he jerked his head back to where the poor soul Al had punched still sit unconscious against the wall.

"Don't worry he'll be fine." Alfred assured his counterpart as he dragged him farther and farther back into the ally's depths. He only stopped when he was sure that no one could see them from either sides of the street. He gazed at Arthur hungrily before pushing him up against the hard brick wall, pinning his wrists there for a brief moment before trailing his hands down the Brit's arms and chest gently rubbing farther and farther southward.

"Stop this! Stop it this instant you twit!" England yelled furiously, but was too nervous and trembling to take a whack at Alfred.

"Why should I? I can't think of any better way to apologize you to you since you don't want a new tea set." Alfred mumbled seductively, breathing hot air against Arthur's neck causing him to shutter with delight. The Brit squeezed his eyes closed while Alfred gazed down to where he could see a little tent starting to take form from under the other's trousers. So he was into him. In truth Alfred was too. He had always been into Arthur even when he was little. Except back then it was an innocent childish love; now it was something more passionate and lustful.

The big American laid a small kiss gently on the older man's neck before kneeling down and putting his face near where the tent had grown larger in those brief few seconds. Arthur hardly protested, only panted hard as sweat beaded his forehead and his cheeks continued to burn with the same furious shade of red as Alfred slowly unzipped the other's pants. Alfred's heart picked up speed in his chest as he carefully pulled down Arthur's Jolly Roger printed boxers to reveal Big Ben fully erected in all its glory. He looked up at Arthur one last time waiting to see if he had any last minute protests, but none came all the Brit did was look down at him from over his blonde lashes before shyly turning his gaze away.

With no more complaints or objections Alfred leaned forward and took the length into his mouth earning a small gasp and a moan from the receiver. He felt Arthur's body shudder with delight as the blonde American sucked on Big Ben; gently grazing his teeth against the soft skin. Arthur panted and squirmed, not sure how to respond to the pleasure as Alfred continued his little act swirling his tongue almost expertly around the head and gently humming around the length. Arthur attempted to grip the wall, nails scraping against the brick as he gently bucked into Alfred's mouth; arching his back against the hard surface behind him. He panted and moaned, pressing his head back against the wall as he resisted the urge to cry out in ecstasy as he began to reach his climax. His entire body flushed with heat and shuddering with pleasure. "Ah… ah… Al…" He hardly was able to pant his warning to the other before he reached his breaking point and came all into the blonde American's mouth.

His body gave one last good tremble before he slumped against the wall; breathing heavily and his blonde bangs now plastered against his forehead from the sweat. Alfred didn't seem to mind the sticky and most likely foul tasting mess as he merely swallowed most of the white goo and then licked around the rest of Arthur's length making sure he was clean again. Alfred stood up and whipped his mouth on the back of his sleeves while Arthur barely mustered the strength to pull his boxers back up and zip up his pants. Alfred waited in silence for a few moments as the blonde Brit released a heavy sigh and pushed his messy bangs back out of his face. "Well…" He sighed. "That was quite something." He said having a loss of words to describe the amazing thing that he had only fantasized about when alone.

"So do you accept my apology?" Alfred innocently as he put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.

Arthur looked over the blonde American and gave a small yet loving smile. "Yes. Apology accepted." He replied which earned him a big grin from the happy American. "Next time though…" He said dropping his voice low to a seductive tone and putting one hand on. "I'll be the one blowing the fag."

**What is this I don't even.... Man I am going to hell.... One of my very first attempts at writing yaoi smutty goodness. Please don't judge me too hard. T^T This isn't like me since I'm not usually openly perverted. That and also the fact I prefer USUK instead of UKUS. But oh well.... Based on a request on the kink meme.  
Enjoy Lovies 3 **


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